Well hello Dr. Phil

I probably have the coolest boss on the planet. You would be jealous of how amazing he can be. Who else gets lucky enough to have a straight lace looking guy with Ded Kennedy’s for his ring tone? Under his button down and tie is Misfits tattoos, he laughs with us when we play jokes on each other. He even messes with us for fun too. When he first started here it was Dr. Phil….

Workers started swearing they saw a flash of a man peeking around the corner. When they looked again it wasn’t there. But it was too consistent. Always just the face with a creepy smile around a door or a corner or a window. One nurse finally caught him when he giggled while scaring her. It was this weird fan that he and his wife had gotten at some convention in California. The fan was a life sized cut out with Dr. Phil face on one side and “I’m a Dr. Phil fan!” printed on the other side. His wife had threatened to burn it after he scared her in the shower for close to the thousandth time (not exaggerating) . Instead he brought it to work to use on us (not in the shower). We now knew it was him but that didn’t stop you from being startled by a random creeper watching you type. A person can only take so many months before doing something about it.

Us girls in the front decided we were getting revenge for our 732 heart attacks. We were going to steal the mask. But we were going to do so much more…….hehehehe. I was great at sewing so I made what would basically be a scarecrow. He had black dress slacks, a white button up shirt, white gloves. I stuffed him with newspaper so I could move him and shape him. The night before we used folders and the guise of delivering records to find the mask and smuggle it undetected to the front desk. We hid it in our deposit reports where no one, but us, goes.

As soon as the boss left the building we started the set up. We had a sign on the door telling the cleaning people not to open it. We carefully place the Phil-crow in the bosses chair at his desk, slightly facing the door and one hand up on the mouse. We probably should have warned other people because about a half hour later we heard one of the nurse shriek and drop what she was holding. Sorry about that. At least we knew it would work. Now to wait…….

The next morning I got to the office ridiculously early so I could get the “no cleaning” sign off the door. Hate to blow the surprise before we even started. We took turns pretending to deliver preemployment packets to the doctor to randomly check that it was still set up. We were all balls of tightly contained giggles when we FINALLY saw the boss pull into the parking lot. I started down the hallway with my last fake packet, taking my time so I would round the corner right after him.

“JESUS CHRIST!!!!”

It worked!!!! He jumped! He yelled! He threw his brief case across the room! His eyes were the size of plates! He grabbed his chest… he slide into the chair by the wall………. He was red and pale blotches, not breathing…… Oh shit! I killed my boss! Just kidding he let out a gasp. Well that is fortuitous. He was still panting, staring at Dr. Phil still smugly sitting there. Best day ever!!!!

Dr Phil-crow has scared many a person since. He was placed on a chair in the storage room until he started scaring housekeeping. We then laid him down on a shelf. That was only until a police officer tried to shoot him when they were investigating an alarm in the building at 2 am. It turned out to be a bad latch on the back door but in the dark it sure looked like someone hiding there. He went completely missing not long after that. Maybe he went on to scare others. I sure hope so…..

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