You can’t find love in the freezer section (of Wal-Mart).

Between my son and my god-daughter, the teenagers keep my weekend nights busy. They both have learner’s permits but not full licenses yet. That means I get to be taxi to and from both jobs. I’m not complaining. It gives me one-on-one talk time with them to catch up on the week. (let’s me be honest it makes me feel like I’m still cool and needed)

I had just picked up Bree from her job and had about a half hour to kill before picking up Dru. Ice cream run it is! Normally 9pm on a Friday is a pretty safe time to venture through Wal-mart. The creepy dudes are already at the bar and the drunken freaks don’t come out until midnight. I should be just fine to rock this in jammies.

At least that’s what I thought until I reached the frozen food section. If this was a movie I would’ve had the quiet piano melody to warn me not to turn around when some random dude started complementing my hair. He seemed harmless and friendly so I was the same back. He was smooth. In all the simply questions “What do you do? Are you from around here? What’s your sign?” He casually snuck in the “what does your boyfriend do?” I was totally honest. I told him without hesitation that I’m married and he is a mechanic. I swear to god this guy then made the calculating face that all the piranhas at the bar make. The one that tells you right away the chick is married and trying to figure out if you work with her husband before proceeding. He then asked which mine my husband works at. I was honest about that as well. Yep, total piranha face again. He tells me that he works for a different mine.  It happens to be one that can come to my office so I give him the sales pitch, bid him goodnight and turned around quickly like I just remembered to tell the teenager something important we forgot to grab. I don’t trust piranhas…..

It’s pretty bad when the teenager that is just as socially awkward and clueless asks if that guy was just trying to flirt. Glad it wasn’t just me that picked up on that. Luckily I stuck him down right away with the “I’m married”  or so I thought…… a few minutes later this guy comes walking up to us again!

“Is it true what they say about Coalminer wives?”

“And what is that?”

“That they have a lot of fun while their husbands are on night shifts?”

You have got to be kidding me right now

“Oh yeah, totally true! They say you don’t lose your wife, you lose your turn. That’s why you make sure you never leave her unsatisfied before you leave for nights. Make sure she is taken care of and you don’t have to worry about her straying. Remember that when you get a girlfriend”

“I’m going to be at Boothill later if you what to come out”

“You have fun with that. Goodnight!”

We are both booking it in the opposite direction now, completely disgusted that a guy would have the balls to ask a question like that. Bree is completely floored that I haven’t hit this guy yet. We have a short conversation about staying professional at all times and about how you need to not bring yourself down to other people’s levels. Always have respect for yourself. It was short conversation because now this guy is in the make-up section right next to us! I pretended to not hear him try to talk to me again and was on a mission to the back of the store. I made Bree promise to tell Travis this story because there is no way he is going to believe me!

Okay, we are taking the long way around to self check-out. Bree is on watch duty. We just need to get out of here and make it home to enjoy our ice cream. Scanned. Paid. Bagged. Go! HOLY MOTHER FLIPPING CRUD BUNNIES HE IS IN FRONT OF US AGAIN!!!!!

“so, do I have a chance of seeing you at boothill tonight?”

“NO! I’m married and I’m faithful! GO AWAY!”

I should’ve taken Bree up on the offer of a million points if I ran him over in the parking lot. He managed to place himself directly in front of the car.

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