I can’t make these things up

If it is both embarrassing and perverted-ly hilarious, it will happen to me. Also, if it involves making a mess and/or ruining anything belonging to my husband, it is guaranteed to happen! That’s just the way it works. I should have my picture taken for the cover of “Murphy’s Law Quarterly” Today’s adventure involves his truck and my breakfast…….This is why we can’t have nice things…….

My son and I have gotten into the habit over the last year of grabbing premade shakes on our way out the door in the mornings. Neither of us are morning people and we both get very hangry by 10 am. We have tried a few different types that taste good and are way high in protein. That way they can hold us over past when the coffee wears off. Problem solved. This particular morning I needed to take my husband’s brand spanking new, beautiful, all leather, power EVERYTHING, new truck for the morning commute (did I mention it is new?!). PPFFFFFFFFTTTTTT…… What could go wrong?!

Let me break down what could go wrong. I should never drink anything in my husband’s vehicle. Ever. I will hit a bump and spill it. I will panic about spilling and squeeze whatever it is even tighter. This will cause it to explode in every direction, successfully covering every square inch of leather in the front seat. It will also get in my hair, all over my face, down my chest and puddle in my crotch. It will be a creamy white protein shake, FULL of dairy and protein. It will be the day we decided to try out the creamy white delicious banana flavored shake.

Yes, you heard that right. I managed to give myself a money shot in the driver’s seat of his truck. (Or his baby). Yes, it was black leather. No, there was not any whips or chains involved. Please feel free to giggle like a junior high boy at the lunch table. I did. At least until I realized I had to get this cleaned fast before he found out. There might be Medieval forms of punishment happening in my house if I didn’t get this taken care of in a hurry, and not the ones I may-or-may-not enjoy.

It is rather difficult to get someone to detail a vehicle STAT when they can’t stop laughing. That is after I finally got them to believe I was seriously trying to get protein banana juice out of leather. This is not a practical joke…… Nope, the back seat is just fine………Please stop laughing……… Yes, I know he is going to kill me. That’s why I’m calling you…………It’s really not that funny……….Ok, when you put it that way it kinda is…….What do you mean you are busy all day today?! I JUST WASTED 10 MINUTES ON THE PHONE WITH YOU AND YOU CAN’T EVEN HELP ME!!?!! THE SEATS ARE GETTING STICKY!!!!!!!! Click….grumble……

When phoning a friend didn’t work I had to do what every white girl does; I posted on Facebook asking for advice. The plus side is most people, even my husband, thought it was one of those scam tricks or a hack. Luckily, I did get someone to come to my work and take care of it that day (No, they didn’t toss me a wash cloth. They also didn’t hang a sock on the door handle. Thank you.) Hehe, little did my husband know that was also me softening the blow for when I fessed up to my deed later. I LOVE YOU HUN!!!!

 

P.S. He didn’t kill me but there may have been some more banana handling required to be forgiven…..

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