Get a puppy they said…it will be fun they said….. and by “they” I really mean “me”. I love my puppies. I love their squishy faces. I love their pudgy bodies. I love their big bully-doggy smiles. I love them! I love them! I love them! And that is where you will find me. Sitting in the corner, slowly rocking back and forth, rubbing my ears, chanting “I love my puppies. I love my puppies. I love my puppies……”
The bat-pigs normally cuddle with me in bed at night. Most nights the cuddling looks more like giant furry leeches are infesting my side of the bed. They love me, A LOT, as well. Codependent doesn’t even begin to describe it. They are right up there with “Where The Wild Things Are” we will eat you up we love you so! Last night was not so much.
The little buttfaces decided that lights out meant they should randomly bark at every mosquito fart in the back yard. No late night bark is complete without bounding off the bed and scampering across the hardwood floor with little puppy nails clicking that sound very much like spiders wearing tap shoes. *Shutter* That image totally makes it easy to sleep. Then they would come trotting happily back into the room chewing on something of mine. Some days I really wish they would chew up other peoples crap. I would have to wrestle whatever it was (makeup brush, hairbrush, underwear, marker, flipflop) out of bulldog vise grips and put their pouting butts back on the bed. They would aggressively snuggle for forgiveness but only for a few minutes before starting the process over again. They had done this for the 87th time when I finally had enough. Mean old mom got up and slammed the bedroom door shut. These poor doggies had never been forced to sleep outside of the room before so I can only blame myself for what happened.
When I got up the next morning I knew something was up. Travis had gotten out of bed and I heard him grumble a little bit. Grrreaaat. They must have gotten into something. (since I may or may not have procured both pets without consulting my husband first, I try not to ask him to clean up after them) I stepped out into the hallway and my pansy-butt-Biggie-Piggy flattened himself to the floor and gave me HUGE eyes. Well, whatever it was, must have been Allee Sioux because he would have ran from me if he had done something wrong. He stayed flattened to the floor as he watched me go down the stairs. Smart dog.
I can’t begin to describe the noise that came out of me at that moment. (Pterodactyl choking on a whoopy cushion might be close) I definitely can’t repeat it. My entire living room was dookie. We had spent 7 hours the weekend before on hands and knees scrubbing the cheap wax the previous owners had put down off of that hardwood floor. Where there should have been shining hardwood there was used cat litter as far as the eye could see. I turned to look back up the stairs at both my dogs. Biggie-Piggie was trying his hardest to sink into the carpet while at the same time pushing himself away from the happiest little ball of handicappable Frenchie this side of the Pecos. She was wiggling with excitement. “proud” doesn’t come close to the joy that little girl had. She smiled from ear to ear, showing off the chucks of clay wedged in all of her teeth. She licked her lips and pranced around, as if to say “Look what I found! It crunches when I lick now!” Another strange sound escaped me.
When Travis heard this one he playfully commented from the kitchen “did someone forget to close the window last night?” This snapped me back into reality. I rushed to grab cleaning supplies. There would be a toddler at my house any minute and this was not the kind of job I wanted 4-year-old “help” with. He came around the corner and his face dropped. Apparently he had thought the whitish piles he had seen in the dark living room were snow from an unclosed window. Normally I hate snow but I would have done anything to trade at that moment.
Miss Allee Sioux still can’t understand why we weren’t happy. She totally made us breakfast and it was her favorite. She loves kitty candy, and she gave us an entire living room full of it! It’s a damn good thing that pup is disabled or she would be in serious trouble. *insert grumpy face* It’s not like we are hosting 2 birthday parties, a bridal shower, high school graduation, senior sendoff and prom party in the next few weeks. That would TOTALLY have made this a stressful moment…..